What's the best way to dump a guy?

[xpanda]

So I have this friend ...

We'll call her "Tonya".

She's been dating this guy for a few weeks, out maybe six times or so. Phone calls roughly every other day on average, a bit of emailing. No sex.

Anyway, so this guy is REALLY boring. Like, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz even when booze is involved. They have some stuff in common, but conversations pretty much make her want to stick a fork in her eye. He's not very dynamic, she's reasonably outgoing. He hates sports, she likes sports. She swears, he apologises when he says the word 'shit.' She's spontaneous, he needs an itinerary to go to the zoo. She's a risk-taker, he thinks GICs are a great investment. You see the dilemma.

The problem, however, is that the two of them cross paths roughly once a week due to territorial commitments set in stone for at least the foreseeable future. So she has to see him again whether she likes it or not. Plus he's a really *nice* guy and she doesn't particularly want to hurt him. And he's made it clear he thinks they'll be dating for a while anyway.

What is the nice way to let him go, so that it is firm and clear, yet not so awful that seeing each other is a nightmare?

 

[The_Man]

what kind of a man doesnt like sports

 

[xpanda]

what kind of a man doesnt like sports

Exactly.

 

[Journeyman]

I don't like the word sh*t either...not in my arsenal....worst cuss word of them all IMO.

 

[xpanda]

I don't like the word sh*t either...not in my arsenal....worst cuss word of them all IMO.

How do you feel about 'farts'???

:>Grin>

 

[Seymour]

You've (OK "your friend") been "dating" for six weeks and there has been no sex - that's a little unusual - anyways, I really don't see what there is to break up - tell him you just want to be friends - he must know this if you haven't had sex after a month - this really seems quite simple.

 

[Dubpoet]

As a former stalker with a good heart, She has to say I am not interested in a relationship at all! If he can live with that without wanting more then she should say then we should keep on touch but thats it.

 

[SkinsRaj28]

How bout the honest truth? Let the guy know that you're not interested in being more than friends. You don't have to be a bitch about it, but don't lie to the guy. Everyone deserves the truth, good or bad.

Deal with the repercussions.

 

[Tulsa]

Don't do anything. FOR GOD SAKE don't say, "I want to just be friends"

That's the worst and I've heard that one...

Either don't continue acting on the relationship by just not setting up new dates etc. OR if he continues to pursue the relationship, be straightforward and say,

"I just don't see it happening, but I hope the best for you."



tulsa

 

[HinesWard86]

Tell him you're a lesbian.

 

[Boxslayer]

So I have this friend ...

We'll call her "Tonya".

Just dump the guy and move on, Panda.

If you're on the rebound, let me know and we'll spontaneously meet at Niagra Falls for a quickie in the bathroom.

Holler. ope:

 

[Boxslayer]

Tell him you are so into your work right now, and dont have time for a relationship.

Tell him its not him, it's you.

Tell him you have skeletons in your closet.

Tell him you think it's moving too fast and you arent ready for this.

Tell him you can't date any man that thinks a mutual fund is risky.

Tell him you hooked up with Michael Vick recently, and you caught a bad case of the herp.

Tell him it's a good thing he doesn't like sports, then he wont be angry to know that you hooked up with DeBrickashaw Ferguson.

Tell him you're not sure how your ex-girlfriend is gonna feel about this.

Tell him you're anjust not ready for other marriage yet, and that your 6 kids are still coping with the loss of their step-father.

Tell him swinging is a big part of your life, and the only way that the relationship can continue is if he is okay with watching you sleep with other men. He, on the other hand, is allowed to look but can't touch other women or you'll get very angry.

Tell him that you love his mother fucking ass and that his love is the shit. He may get turned off by the foul language.

Tell him you're ready to move on to the next level, but he has to be okay with you visiting your ex-husband "Bubba" in jail once a week on Saturday Nights.

 

[winkyduck]

she sounds like a real "winner" - someone that some guy out there is REALLY gonna love having as his partner till death does them part

as to her dilemma

she really can't be a jerk here so she has to let him down lightly. you don't say how old she is so i will just assume here and hope for the best - i will assume she is in her mid-late 20s/early 30s

if this is the case she can say something like

Sorry, but I'm just not "feeling anything" and right now i need to be free and not be in any kind of a relationship

OR

she can use the old, "It's not you - it's me" which ALWAYS means: "It's YOU - NOT me but i just want to let you down easy and this is the easiest way to do it w/o hurting your feelings"

hope this helps and as i said - if she is as great as she sounds she will have ZERO trouble finding some guy to "rock her world" forever. i know of 1 in So Cal uppy:

 

[kingbill]

Jesus...Wow...6 weeks no sex? I mean wow?!?!

Ok now that I've got that out of the way. Drop the friend bomb on him.

By the sounds of this guy he's heard this line before and knows the rest of the story.

As soon as a girl says a guy is a nice guy....Game over.
Myself I am a nice person, I won't wish bad shit on you but PLEASE don't ever call me a nice guy.

Give him a Friend bomb...or you could write him a letter

Mr. Z...Z...Z...Z,

I am a woman who wants excitement, I need to feel passion and butterflies whenever I look into my lovers eyes.
Our kisses should be electric, sending jolts of desire from our lips to our hips, My lover should give me tingles that starts from the very tips of my toes that flow through my body and turns me to putty when I hear his deep masculine voice.
But you do none of these things to me, so see ya later alligator
x

 

[xpanda]

Jesus...Wow...6 weeks no sex? I mean wow?!?!

Three weeks, six dates.

Sheesh.

I think a letter would be offside, no? I mean, I'm wondering if doing it over the phone is even appropriate?

Argh.

 

[kingbill]

Um I guess you want a guy who is attentive and actually listens to to what you say or write?

Do it in person, rip it like a band-aid. The longer it drags the more chance you have of falling into a comfortable rut.

 

[Presto]

So much for opposites attract.

If Tonya and this bloke cross paths due to "territorial commitments," it sounds as if they indirectly have a working relationship/acquantinance (biting tongue). If that's the case, there are no easy outs here. After Tonya finds a way to convey her non-feelings for this guy, everytime they cross paths someone will be uncomfortable.

The only other thing to do is duck and weave Ali style. Maybe Tonya could become so busy with volunteering, training for a marathon, researching a medical topic, doing her taxes, taking public transportation once a week, blogging, re-decorating, shopping, having girls night out, praying, knitting, taking a class, going on a retreat, and learning origami that she just doesn't have the time to put a relationship at the moment.

Whatever Tonya decides, do tell.

 

[Boxslayer]

*Attention: Boxslayer is making a serious post in the rubber room. The below is actual advice. I know, I'm gay.

No, you definitely dont date someone for 6 weeks and then tell them over the phone that it aint happening anymore, especially since this dude seems like a good guy, and seems very interested and maybe in love. He probably deserves better.

It should be said in a non-public place, or a small public place like a Starbucks or some bullshit. You wouldnt want to make a scene. "Tonya" should head over to his house or meet up to "talk" he should sort of be warned ahead of time so it doesnt take him by complete surprise.

Always telling someone that you need to "talk", always sets them up and prepares them emotionally.

You wouldnt want him to snap or get angry or start crying or God knows what.

So step 1:

Preliminary Phone call

"Hey John, hows everything? great. Listen I have a few things on my mind that I need to talk to you about, so I was wondering when was a good time we can sit down and get some coffee or whatever..."

Now he's prepared. He may be expecting it. Whenever someone wants to talk, it's never a good thing.

Then you drop it on him. Very nicely. Dont tell him the truth about non stimulation or whatever. That will only make things weird down the road. You dont tell him his flaws, then walk by him in the street and say hello. You tell him youre going through some things, and you dont think its going to work out on that level between you two, but that you love being friends and whatever. You have loved spending time with him over the past 6 weeks, but it would be best if you guys probably stopped dating for awhile.

 

[tooran]

Yeah, best to tell Wil up front that you're not interested.

:grandmais

 

[passingthewind]

Start a thread on the forum here and then send him the link via email.